Blogging Tears

With Kevin out of town for three months, I have been trying to keep myself busy in the evenings so I don't get lonely and depressed and just waste my time watching bad reality TV. Well, so far, I have been mostly successful with time spent working overtime at the office, playing double headers on my company softball team, going to weekly internship-widow dinners at the Crawford’s and working on the business…but last night I thought I needed to just have a quiet night alone to catch up on blogging…what a mistake! After updating my blog and feeling pretty good about myself I decided to blog hop into some blogs of people I know from my home town but were never very close to. Looking at the pages filled with pictures of awesome vacations, beautiful homes, adorable children, fashionable clothes, and lots of “pretty” people, I entered the depths of despair thinking that these are the blogs of my peers and I have nothing compared to these girls.

As I continued to scroll through the lives of those I grew up with, I delved deeper and deeper into the “I have nothing going for me” zone and things didn’t get any better when I passed myself in the mirror and compared my round pale body to the perfectly sculpted body of these girls and started to cry. It is no use crying to yourself, however, so I called Kevin looking for the reassurance of my legally bound spouse who I am pretty sure is legally bound to boosting my self esteem! Kevin, of course, reminded me of how wonderful I am (thanks babe!) and how wonderful my life is, and he’s right. I didn’t admit this in between sobs on the phone, but I have an amazing life. I am madly in love with my husband of 2.5 years – he’s insanely funny, smart, motivated, and super adorable. He loves me more than anything and I likewise as well. We live in a great town and have awesome friends (here’s a shout out to all of my billysburg buddies!) and while I don’t have a house yet, I will soon enough and as my mother tells me, having to wait until you are 25 to have a house is nothing to complain about. No, I don’t have super fashionable clothes, but I do have a closetful! I want for little (except more clothes) and I am really happy with how things are. I have an amazing life right now and will continue to have a wonderful life in the future...Why, then, do I get SOOOO depressed? I really struggle with getting depressed and staying positive, but Kevin points out that these thoughts come at the end of a long day and are the product of an extended absence from my best friend/husband and that’s probably it, but I just wish I could snap myself out of these funks!

I really am grateful for everything and it is moments like these that I thank Heavenly Father for everything I have and especially for sending me a husband who understands me and can handle the rollercoaster of my emotions. I love you Kevin!

Dallas!!

Hello my blogger buddies! I have decided to take a break from phobia posts and give all of you an update on my latest trip to Dallas. Unfortunately, my first fun and fabulous trip to Dallas was not photographed (I brought my camera, but alas, forgot to shoot any pictures!) and can pretty much be summed up in two words - house shopping! We spent the whole weekend house shopping and drooling over floor plans and property...needless to say, both Kevin and I are excited to buy a home there (knock on wood) in the future.

With the home shopping out of our system, we spent this weekend trip hanging out and seeing some fun sites. I flew in Thursday evening and had Friday to relax and to do Kevin's laundry (I am the BEST wife!) while he was at work. At lunch time (with laundry finished, folded, and hung) I was able to meet Kevin at a fun local BBQ joint called Sammy's with one of Kevin's new attorney buddies from Gibson Dunn. I was eager to try some yummy Texas BBQ and I was NOT disappointed! Delish!

Here is the view from Kevin's office:

After a long lunch (2 hours!) Kevin went back to work and I went back to what I love to do best on vacation - NAP!

Hey babe!

I guess I made a good impression with Kevin's new buddy because he invited us over to his house to meet his wife and play games that evening. It is a lot of fun meeting and getting to know the people Kevin is working with this summer!

On Saturday, Kevin and I met up with his cousin and his wife for lunch at Bajio's (yum!) and then hit an associate party in the evening. At the party, I was able to meet most of the associates and their wives/husbands - everyone is super nice!

Sunday was filled with sleeping in and then going to the Dallas Aquarium...and I remembered to take pictures (and went a little camera happy, I might add!)

For your enjoyment!

Not bad for taking the picture ourselves!

The aquarium (it is really more like a zoo!) starts you off in the rainforest and gradually you descend into the deep abyss of the ocean...

Jungle Fever!

Getting closer to the ground...and the animals!
Behind the waterfall!

I spy with my little eye a crocodile (or maybe an alligator...who can tell the difference?)

We made it to the ground...and look what was awaiting us! Baby Crocs!

Aren't Leopards so cuddly?
Okay, I thought this was super funny...the flamingo's are fighting! What could they possibly be fighting over - who's the pinkest?

This is the one shot I got of the cute little penguins swimming..the rest of the penguins just sat on the rocks!

See! (and yes, the yellow stuff is pee...eww!)

We went under the water level to see some very cute and playful manatees being fed by a scuba diver...manatees look so sweet!

And then we went into the shark tunnel! (Yes, behind the glass with the hand smudges there are lots of sharks swimming!)

Okay, so this was really funny too. So there was a little area for this native dance performance and during the performance the eagle man (look at his headdress) took fire and started burning himself...not too smart! It looked like it really hurt and after the performance he said over and over again for the children to NOT try this at home and that he does get burned from doing this...and i had to ask myself, why the heck does he do it then?
Again with the fire!
We had a ton of fun at the aquarium!

After the aquarium and eating some much needed ice cream, we decided to stop by the spot where President JFK was assassinated and talk to the conspiracy theorists...these guys take this VERY seriously! So seriously, in fact, that they have decided to forego having real jobs to educate the public daily about what REALLY happened!

This may seem a little morbid, but I had to get a picture of Kevin standing on the "x" (yes, "x" does mark the spot) where JFK was shot. The thing is, as you can see, the "x" is in the middle of a busy freeway entrance and so Kevin had to dash into traffic to get this shot! I also ran out there, but I am declining to post the picture (not too flattering!).Here is a picture of the street (you can barely see the two x's on the ground...one is right next to where the car is driving and the other is just ahead of the car)
Kevin and I at the "grassy knoll" (behind us is the building where the government claims the shot came from...upper right hand corner, second window from the top)

Here's the building again...remember, second window from the top on the far right
We couldn't help taking our picture with one of the conspiracy theorists...if you ever go to Dallas, I am sure he'll still be there!

Phobia! Part 4

5. Throwing Up – I know I am not alone in this one…I guess you can say that everyone hates throwing up, but some of us fear it more than others. I am the type of girl that would rather stay sick than throw up to make my stomach feel better…I just hate losing control of my body...and then there is the taste, of course (sorry, that was gross!) This is one of the things I fear most about pregnancy…I just have this feeling (a sick feeling!) that I will have one of those throwing-up-every-morning type of pregnancies and my life (and Kevin's!) will be horrible for three months (if not more). Thankfully, morning sickness should cure me of my fear of throwing up (not my hate of it…that is impossible)and I will be able to vomit like a real woman for the rest of my life!

Phobia! Part 3

4. Scary Movies – The other day I was with some of my girlfriends and all of us came to the consensus that we hate scary movies! No, this isn’t really a fear, but somewhat related. I hate scary movies for the following reasons:

• I go to see movies to relax and be entertained, not sit on the edge of my seat with my face shoved into my husband’s chest and holding my ears
• I remember all of the scary images and when I am alone at night in the dark I think of them and freak myself out
• I always have nightmares
• I don’t pay money to be scared!
  

Thankfully, now that Kevin and I are happliy settled into married life, I don’t feel like I have to see all of the scary movies with him and instead send him to the theatre with his guy friends…he gets to spend time with the guys and I don’t have to have nightmares for a month just to make him happy (it is amazing what we girls do for the boys we love!)

Phobia! Part 2.5

Or how about airplanes! I could go on and on about how gross airplanes are! Maybe it is because I fly fairly regularly (several times a year...tomorrow, in fact!) that I notice and think about yucky airplanes. Have you ever sat down in a seat on an airplane and felt that warm, been-sat-in-by-thousands-of-butts feeling, which then leads you to think about what the other thousands of passengers that sat in that seat did to it? The passengers that got a little airsick, the passengers that needed to use the restroom while the seatbelt light was on and didn’t quite make it, the crumbs, the gum stuck inside every crevice of the seat, etc, etc and on and on! Maybe you don’t think of those things, but I sure do!

And then the whole issue of the smell of the air! Oh, putrescence! [Author’s note: name the movie from which I first learned that word! Hint: very quotable 80’s movie starring a love sick puppy turned pirate and Sean Penn’s ex-wife] The stale smell of the recycled air makes my stomach churn every time I board a plane. The only thing that helps me overcome that nausea is the thought that I am so happy that I am on the plane and not sitting in the airport waiting to board. From one that has spent the night in the airport a couple of times now and other countless hours waiting to board the blessed plane, the “putrescence,” as it were, is sometimes a welcome sign of progress to my final destination.

Another thing that gets me every time I fly is the headrest of the seat…what if the passenger before me had dandruff, or worse—LICE!! From a girl who escaped lice when my little sister brought it home in elementary school and then proceeded to share it with two of my other siblings, I am not about to get lice from an airplane! You might think me paranoid, I mean, who has lice nowadays? But I prefer to say I am cautious. You may now ask what I do to protect my perfect scalp from an infestation while flying and then you would be surprised to find out that I don’t do anything! I just sit there and cringe inside! It is the same with movie theatre seat headrests…I don’t want to look like a germophobic freak by putting something over it, so I just try to forget about it and watch the movie.

[Author’s note: I would like to report that writing this post was very therapeutic for me and while I cringed the entire time, I think it was, in the end, helpful. Additionally, my efforts to hold back on my impulses to protect me from germs are helping me overcome my preoccupation with them and I am now able to repress a lot of my inner cringes. Pat on the back, with a freshly washed hand of course, for me!]

Phobia! Part 2.0

2. Germs! – I have a minor case of germophobia, and where do you find germs? Public places…and where do you find a lot of germs? Arcades. They just simply gross me out. I feel dirty while I am there and just have this unquenchable impulse to feverishly wash my hands over and over until they are clean and sterile. Does that sound a little OCD? I promise, I am not OCD, I just cannot stand the thought of touching an arcade joystick that has probably never been cleaned and has been sneezed on and handled by unhygienic, sweaty and pimply teenage boys that haven’t showered in days, no less washed their hands. I know that arcades are somewhat a thing of the past, but I promise they still exist and people still frequent them. When Kevin and I first started dating, I think I almost ended our relationship when he suggested going to the local nickelcade (talk about a cheap date! Then, I guess, if you knew Kevin, you would think it appropriate!) and I refused to go for the pathetic reason of it grossing me out. Thankfully, I had other things going for me (great personality, cute face, great smile, big brain…I mean, what can I say!) or that would have been it!

I guess I should rephrase that I am not a real germophobe, like I said, I have a minor case…I just get really grossed out by certain things and I am really trying to overcome it. For example, I am not the only one that is grossed out by shopping cart handles! It is people like me that got the grocery stores to provide sanitizer wipes…now even Wal-Mart carries them! I can say, however, that as part of my germophobic therapy, I don’t use the sani -wipes in the grocery store…I cringe every time I clasp the handle as shivers go speeding down my spine, but I walk strongly on knowing that I am slowly, one shopping cart handle at a time, overcoming my germophobia.

This one goes hand in hand with toilet seat covers in restrooms. Growing up in California, ALL restrooms had toilet seat covers and thus I always felt clean in even the dirtiest of restrooms…but then I moved to Utah. In Utah, toilet seat covers, my safety net from the who-knows-what that is on a toilet seat, were nowhere to be found and it was the first time in my life that I had to make the decision between creating my own out of three strips of toilet paper, or (gasp) going without! For the first year of my residency there, I had the routine of placing toilet paper on the seat to protect my precious bum from the terrors lying in wake to attack me while I do my business. But then I met Kevin…and Kevin freed me from the mental germy psychosis that kept me from simply sitting down. Kevin taught me that you cannot get sick from sitting on a toilet seat (although that is not what was really keeping me from baring it…I just think that everyone else’s bare bums are yucky and only mine is clean and sanitary!), that my desk has more bacteria on it than the human waste receptacle (true fact!), and that I am a weirdo by making such a big production out of going to the restroom. Not wanting to be a weirdo, I have since (gasp) gone without in many situations, except in places known for their horrid restrooms like Wal-Mart, McDonald’s, or gas stations, where I am pretty sure they NEVER clean.

[Author’s note: in Virginia they do not have toilet seat covers readily available in public restrooms and I have to admit that I am starting to revert to my old toilet paper ways!]

Phobia! Part 1

I saw recently on my friend Kendra’s blog, a “tag” posting about her fears, joys, obsessions, etc and it got me to thinking about my own fears. Fears can be an interesting thing – sometimes they are created over time through experience, sometimes you are born with them, and other times people purport to have a certain fear in order to get attention. I have seen and heard this time and again. Have you ever been to a fair, carnival, or even a circus and sat behind some annoying teenage couple and heard the gum chewing, hair twirling girl say to her pubescent boy toy that she is “like totally afraid of clowns” and just wanted to kill yourself? From experience, I can say that most people that state they are afraid of clowns are usually just teenage girls looking to get attention from the opposite sex for having a cute and quirky fear that is fun to talk about and gets the idiot boy’s sympathy for her seemingly innocuous yet endearing phobia. I will concede that some people, perhaps people that as young children accidentally wandered into a playing of the movie “It,” are truly and incurably afraid of clowns, but for the most part, I think that exclaiming you are afraid of clowns is just part of the ubiquitously flirtatious dialogue that teenagers spout. [Author’ note: I just looked up clown phobia in Wikipedia and I would like to issue an apology to all of you that are diagnosed with Coulrophobia…if it has a cool Latin name, it must be real!]

Well, enough about other people’s fears, I would like to present to the world, my own fears (some quirky and some serious) in no particular order [Author’s note: in the editing process of this post, I realized that it has gotten a little long and will be further separated into several posts, and as such, only the first of my fears will appear in this post]:

1. Expired Milk – I know that Jerry Seinfeld did a bit on expired milk (what DIDN’T he do a bit on?) in which he talked about not taking chances with expired milk…as if the date stamped on the carton could actually tell you the exact second that the milk was no longer safe for human consumption. I am a total believer in the date on the carton – you do not even THINK about drinking milk past that date! It is as if God himself gave all of us a warning against yucky chunky milk and we need to obey the date! My husband, on the other hand, uses the sniffing method for determining milk expiration…a week past the expiration date, if it still smells okay, he’ll actually drink it! I mean, I have tried this method and I swear that milk always smells funky! He tells me that my mind does this to me and the yucky smell is in my head (and from the smell of the rim of the carton, where you put the lid on), but maybe, just maybe, I have milk expiration psychic powers and the smell is a sign that you just don’t drink it! I mean, really, why chance it? I have a really finicky stomach anyway and I just don’t chance things like expired milk. If Kevin’s stomach weren’t built to withstand a nuclear holocaust (seriously, the man can eat raw chicken and not get sick!) maybe he wouldn’t be so gung-ho about drinking the milk either!