Dentists: Cavity of Society, Sleazy Bicuspid (Remover), Root (Canal) of all Evil, Or Guardians of Wisdom (Teeth)?

After six arduous months of self-fueled indignation, I strode confidently into my dentist appointment yesterday ready to reveal the man behind the curtain, ready to raise the flag of truth, ready to expose these people for what they really are: FRAUDS.

Six months ago my wonderful wife set up a dentist appointment and informed me I would be going. Naturally, hating dentists as I do, I resisted. Nevertheless, my resolve was weakened and eventually broken as Leslie prattled on about the importance of dental hygiene, taking care of myself, not looking British, etc. To make a long story short, I soon found myself lying on my back as a strange man probed my mouth with various foreign objects.

I did not ever give a verbal “yes,” but perhaps under Virginia law, submissively lying motionless is sufficient to qualify as “consent.” Regardless, after he was done, he sat me up in the chair and with a stern expression on his face he said, “You haven’t been flossing, have you?” I replied with a well rehearsed line which I have employed during every dentist visit I’ve ever had: “No, not as much as I should.” I then looked sheepishly at the ground waiting for his inevitable scolding. I didn’t have to wait long. “Kevin,” he began, in an authoritative, condescending tone, “flossing is extremely important. All the cavities I found today are a result of not flossing. Remember, if you want clean teeth, you brush; if you want healthy teeth, you floss.”

Before I continue with the story, there are two points I need to address. First, there are likely some of you judging me for not flossing. Well, that’s right - I’m not a great flosser. There, I said it. However, that does not make me a bad person. If any of you are disgusted by this shortcoming, give me two minutes and I can come up with a list of your flaws.

Second, since when did dentists become the nagging parents of society? When I go into McDonald’s and order a Super Sized Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, the cashier doesn’t look at me and say, “Do you really need all that?” When I go to a horror movie the ticket guy doesn’t say, “You know, if you watch this you won’t be able to sleep and you’ll want to sleep in my room after it's over.” When I go to 7 Eleven at night and get a huge drink, the guy at the counter doesn’t warn me that if I drink this all tonight, I’ll probably wet the bed. The only person that will forever talk to you like you’re a child is your dentist.

Furthermore, it makes no logical or economic sense for a dentist to get mad when people get cavities. After all, that is how they make money. A dentist getting annoyed when you throw business his way by not taking care of your teeth is the same as the owner of a Chuck-A-Rama getting mad at people for not watching their weight. If there weren’t fat slobs in the world, he'd be out of business.

Anyway, back to the story. After my scolding and empty promises to do better in the future, I recalled that dentists always tell you to floss more. Armed with anecdotal data, I developed a theory that dentists will tell you to floss more during every appointment whether you floss or not. My theory dictates that dentists are playing the odds; they know that 99% of us should floss more, and much like birth control, 99% is pretty good odds. At that moment, I decided to become that 1%. I would become the dentist’s unexpected pregnancy - and I would be just as annoying.

For the next six months I diligently flossed every day. After the first week I had already surpassed my aggregate lifetime record. But I didn’t stop there. I flossed all summer, even when Leslie wasn’t around, I flossed on vacation, and I continued to floss when school started. I became the ultimate flosser. As I flossed, I fantasized about what I would say to the dentist when he perfunctorily told me to floss more. I imagined that I would slowly stand erect, the lights would dim and I would ceremoniously raise my arm and place one finger inches away from his masked face. In my best Charlton Heston voice I would categorically declare, “You sir, are a liar! Shame on you!”

Unfortunately, it didn’t quite work out like that. Yesterday, I had my long awaited appointment and sat gleefully in the chair ready to bring down an entire profession. However, after a short examination he looked at me and said, “Good, I see that you’ve been flossing.” It was entirely anticlimactic, but at least I learned an important lesson along the way: FLOSS.

And the Award Goes To...

Bragging Alert! This is a total bragging post, so continue at your own risk!

This past weekend Kevin had a Trial Team (think mock trial) competition at Michigan State and not only did his team go to the semi-finals, finishing in the top 4 of 26 teams, but Kevin brought home an individual trophy! Out of 104 competitors, Kevin won "Best Closing Argument*" and I couldn't be more proud!

Basically, how these competitions work is a team of 4 people is given the facts of a case and are divided into the 2 sides of the trial - prosecution and defense - with 2 people on each team. Between the two of them, they divide up the roles of arguing motions, giving the opening statement, objections, cross and direct examining certain witnesses, and the closing argument. In this competition, Kevin was on the defense and competed against other school's prosecution teams. Well, suffice it to say that he kicked butt - only 5 individual awards were given that night, and he walked away with one!

With work, I couldn't make it to this competition, but Kevin's parents were able to be there to support and cheer Kevin on...a big thanks to Lionel and Artis for making the trip! It meant a lot to Kevin to have you there!

Kevin's team

At the Awards Banquet...

:)

Kevin with my wonderful mother and father in law! Thanks again for being there for him!!

*The closing statement is a 15 minute speech that is meant to finally convince the jury to find in favor of their client; it is meant to bring all of the pieces of the case together in the minds of the jury and clinch their vote through persuasion and effectively dismissing the evidence and claims of the other side.

I promise I didn't try to manipulate this one!

Take the Quiz here!

Apple Picking in Charlottesville

On Saturday Kevin and I woke up and decided to take a spur of the moment trip to Charlottesville to go apple picking and to see the city. We had the best time! The two hour drive was gorgeous with all of the rolling hills and changing colors of the foliage...Virginia is simply breathtaking in the fall!

We had heard from lots of our friends that the best place to go apple picking was at Carter Mountain Orchard and I think they are right! Set atop a mountain (duh...), the farm offers lots of different types of apples from Jonagold to Red Delicious and everything in between.

The amazing view overlooking the city of Charlottesville

Kevin and I decided to go with some Fuji and some Macintoshes

Kevin had to do most of the picking because I couldn't reach the apples...thank heavens for tall husbands!

I got to hold the bag...

I think that the best part of our trip was drinking the most amazing apple cider ever and eating hot and fresh apple cider donuts....the donuts alone were worth the trip!

Overlooking the vineyards...

After Kevin and I had our fill of donuts and cider we drove down the mountain to check out Charlottesville and decided that we liked it very much...especially our street!

Excuse the horrible lighting on this picture but I had to post this shot of Kevin standing in front of a Robert E. Lee statue. For some reason, Kevin's younger brother Brian (currently serving his mission in the Philippines) has this unexplained deep hatred of Robert E. Lee and we always make fun of him for it. I mean, the guy has been dead for sometime now and sure, he led the Confederates in the Civil War, but really, who hates Robert E. Lee? I just think it is all very funny!

Last Time Around...

Okay...there are still more pictures! I know! Leslie and Kevin were super picture happy, huh?

Kevin and I rode the subway to Brighton Beach, aka little Russia, and walked along the surprisingly beautiful beach. Kevin had a chance to speak some Russian (they all assume you're Russian there so I had a chance to speak some as well...not that I took them up on the offer...I just shook my head and said "nyet" to everything) so the hour long subway ride was worth it!

Times Square, baby!

Battery Park (Statue of Liberty in the background)

In front of the New York Stock Exchange...lots of camera crews and reporters!

That's it! No more New York pictures, I promise!

Give My Regards to Broadway!

Random Picture time!

After months of trying, Kevin and I were unable to get tickets to Conan O'Brian (he wasn't filming that weekend...how dare he!), so we had to satisfy ourselves by taking a tour of NBC Studios instead. I would definitely recommend it! We were able to see the studios for the nightly news, Conan O'Brian, and SNL! It was really cool!

After our tour of NBC Studios, Kevin and I stopped into Magnolia Bakery (made famous in the SNL bit Lazy Sunday) to "mack on some cupcakes." Let me tell you, biting into a $3 cupcake should have been a life altering experience, but Kevin and I both agreed that our good friend Kelly Crawford makes MUCH better cupcakes...thanks for showing us all that a cupcake could be, Kelly!
You're looking at almost $20 in cupcakes...this, of course, we didn't realize until we checked out. I hate it when they don't post prices and when I make assumptions like a "a cupcake can't cost that much...we don't need to ask the price"

Just down the way from NBC Studios is CBS Studios where the Late Show films

We went to see Phantom of the Opera...my third time (I am such a girl...who doesn't have a secret crush on the Phantom?) and Kevin's first...we loved it!

Toys R' Us Times Square

Did I mention that I ran into Johnny Depp while in New York?I never did get a Barbie dreamhouse!

Kevin and I ate dinner one night at Carnegie Deli...I didn't know what it was, but I guess a bunch of famous people like to eat there because the walls are literally covered in celebrity autographs!

On Location in New York

One of the most touristy things we did in New York was a bus tour around the city to see a ton of famous TV and movie filming locations. While touring around the city we would watch a clip from a movie or TV show and then we would go to where it was filmed...it was super cool! We weren't able to stop at all of the locations, but here is a small sampling of the places we were able to stop:

Hook and Ladder 8 - Ghostbusters and Hitch

The Friends apartment building. The restaurant on the ground level was also used for No Reservations with Catherine Zeta Jones (if you saw the movie it was the restaurant she opened in the end)

Will Smith's place in I Am Legend

The Cosby Show home (actually in Manhattan although they lived in Brooklyn)

During the tour, the guide asked several trivia questions, one of which Kevin answered correctly (Seinfeld question - of course he got it right!) - the answer was a "Black and White" cookie and we all got to eat one!

Washington Park - Big Daddy, August Rush, When Harry Met Sally

This is the original location of the "Soup Kitchen" - the owner of which, was of course, the inspiration for the Seinfeld "Soup Nazi" character

New York!

"Don't you love New York in the fall? It makes me want to buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly-sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address. On the other hand, this not knowing has its charms." - Tom Hanks, You've Got Mail

When Kevin and I first considered spending Fall Break in New York, all I could think of was the above lines from You've Got Mail. Isn't that such a great movie? Well, ladies and gentlemen, I have been to New York in the fall and I echo Tom Hanks' sentiments exactly! Kevin and I had a fabulous time and the weather could not have been more perfect! Bright blue skies, changing leaves, and a cool breeze that made it chilly enough to wear a sweater but warm enough to forego a jacket...simply perfect!

Kevin and I flew up Thursday evening, grabbed a taxi, and headed straight to our hotel - the Renaissance Times Square New York. For my job, I book a LOT of travel and have thankfully made some friends in the industry and was able to use the Marriott Friends and Family discount rate for our trip making the room almost affordable!

I couldn't resist taking a picture!

After freshening up a bit, Kevin and I wandered around until we found a good place to eat and stumbled upon a really fun place called Ellen's Stardust Diner. This is not the place to go for a quiet dinner as the wait staff sing (loudly, I might add) fun show tunes and other classics while you eat. This would ONLY work in a city like New York where you have a large pool of incredibly talented singers just waiting to be discovered.

Side note - the restaurant is located on Broadway and during one number, some of the restaurant patrons had the chance to sing along and after the song was finished the performing server said, "Now you can go home and tell your friends you sang on Broadway".....how sad!

We had a great view!

more to come!

Lunch with Kevin

I hope this doesn't embarrass Kevin too completely, but I have to take a minute and brag about what a wonderful husband I have! Three times a week, Kevin brings me lunch and eats with me at my office. I look forward to my lunches with him every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday because I know that not only will Kevin have prepared us a fabulous meal, but I get to spend time with my favorite person in the world (too lovey-dovey?).

Kevin doesn't do anything halfway! All of his lunches are fantastic and range from grilled cheese and ham sandwiches (for which he apologizes because he thinks they are too simple) to shrimp cocktail, spinach dip in bread bowls, and driving to Richmond (130 miles round trip) to buy me Panda Express (oh the lengths we go to get some orange chicken around here!).

Kevin always tries to surprise me with little things and today I have to hand it to him! When Kevin brought me lunch yesterday (Quizno's sandwiches - yum!) I whined that I wanted ice cream. Acting like Veruca Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory I complained that I wanted ice cream (I love ice cream in the afternoon...and at night...well, anytime, really!) and I wanted it now. Well, not only was there ice cream in the house when I got home, but it made a special appearance at today's lunch. After eating leftovers from dinner last night, Kevin said that he had a surprise for me and pulled out a coffee mug. Thinking that he had brought me hot chocolate because it was chilly today, I grabbed the cup and quickly realized that it was COLD and could only be ICE CREAM!! He brought me ice cream in an insulated coffee mug - how cute is that? Of course, I could only start crying - I tell you, it's the little things that get me!

He loves me too well sometimes! I know I don't always deserve him (like when I am whining about ice cream), but I am glad that he thinks I do! I can go on and on about the wonderful things he does and the delicious lunches he brings me, but I just want him to know that I love him and appreciate all that he does for me.

I love you, Babe!