- Don't come stalking around our house at night or you may get shot
- Don't set off our alarm system in the middle of the night or you will be shot
You see...Kevin and I have a shot gun lovingly referred to as Ol' Bessy. It isn't fancy, but it will do the job you need it to do. We bought it for home defense two summers ago when Kevin left me for his 13 week internship - and before he left, he made sure I knew how to use it - up until a point. I never learned how to un-cock the gun. But why would I ever need to un-cock a loaded gun?
Well, one summer night the wind was really strong and knocked over some of the plants I had outside on my porch making a sort of banging, crashing noise that in my half-asleep-freaked-out-because-I-was-awoken-by-a-big-bang-noise state I interpreted as someone trying to break into my apartment. I have always had a healthy fear (okay...it borders on paranoia when I am sleeping alone) of home intruders and rapists (yeah, I know, imagine that!) that makes me extra careful whenever I am alone in and out of public. You can never be too careful.
So, back to the story. I heard the crash, jumped out of bed, grabbed the shot gun, loaded it, and expecting a big scary man to walk through my bedroom door at any moment, crouched behind the bed with the shot gun aimed at the door. With adrenaline coursing through me and my heart pounding so hard it hurt my chest, I then cocked the gun and waited. If the big scary man was going to get me, he was going to have to go through Ol' Bessy first! But he didn't come...after waiting without hardly breathing for who knows how long, I willed myself to calm down enough to call Kevin because I didn't know what to do with the loaded gun lying on my bed.
Poor Kevin...I probably gave him a heart attack! He groggily told me that I had to hold down the cocking thingy and pull the trigger - PULL THE TRIGGER!!! Crying, scared, and tired, I did what he said and it worked. After an inspection of my apartment aided by the butcher knife I kept at my bedside, I discovered that plants were to blame. And to think I could have blown a hole through the wall!
Fast forward to last night, or rather early this morning. Sleeping soundly, a loud beep, beep, beep noise coming from our alarm system panel wakes both Kevin and me up and before I can even understand what is happening, Kevin is simultaneously screaming "Get the @#$% out of our house!" and leaping to where we keep our gun, loads it, and goes off seeking our intruder with frightening intensity. Blinking and trying to process everything, I realized that our alarm was not set off (we heard beeping, not the tell-tale sirens and did not get "the call") and waited for Kevin to come back from his search.
It turns out that it was actually our smoke detector letting us know that the batteries needed to be changed, but in the middle of the night any noise that wakes you up is automatically a burglar, rapist, or murderer.
Thinking we were under attack from a sinister source, Kevin literally leapt to my protection. We heard something go "bump" in the night and he was ready to shoot to kill. If this was a test, he passed - he would have saved me from whatever was coming. I am so thankful it wasn't necessary, but there is nothing more reassuring than when you are put in a situation where action and violence is not only necessary but warranted (thank you Castle Law!), you not only have a husband ready to be the knight in shining armor, but he has a trusty "sword" (AKA our gun) he can take into battle.
Consider yourself warned :)
