With Kevin out of town for three months, I have been trying to keep myself busy in the evenings so I don't get lonely and depressed and just waste my time watching bad reality TV. Well, so far, I have been mostly successful with time spent working overtime at the office, playing double headers on my company softball team, going to weekly internship-widow dinners at the Crawford’s and working on the business…but last night I thought I needed to just have a quiet night alone to catch up on blogging…what a mistake! After updating my blog and feeling pretty good about myself I decided to blog hop into some blogs of people I know from my home town but were never very close to. Looking at the pages filled with pictures of awesome vacations, beautiful homes, adorable children, fashionable clothes, and lots of “pretty” people, I entered the depths of despair thinking that these are the blogs of my peers and I have nothing compared to these girls.
As I continued to scroll through the lives of those I grew up with, I delved deeper and deeper into the “I have nothing going for me” zone and things didn’t get any better when I passed myself in the mirror and compared my round pale body to the perfectly sculpted body of these girls and started to cry. It is no use crying to yourself, however, so I called Kevin looking for the reassurance of my legally bound spouse who I am pretty sure is legally bound to boosting my self esteem! Kevin, of course, reminded me of how wonderful I am (thanks babe!) and how wonderful my life is, and he’s right. I didn’t admit this in between sobs on the phone, but I have an amazing life. I am madly in love with my husband of 2.5 years – he’s insanely funny, smart, motivated, and super adorable. He loves me more than anything and I likewise as well. We live in a great town and have awesome friends (here’s a shout out to all of my billysburg buddies!) and while I don’t have a house yet, I will soon enough and as my mother tells me, having to wait until you are 25 to have a house is nothing to complain about. No, I don’t have super fashionable clothes, but I do have a closetful! I want for little (except more clothes) and I am really happy with how things are. I have an amazing life right now and will continue to have a wonderful life in the future...Why, then, do I get SOOOO depressed? I really struggle with getting depressed and staying positive, but Kevin points out that these thoughts come at the end of a long day and are the product of an extended absence from my best friend/husband and that’s probably it, but I just wish I could snap myself out of these funks!
I really am grateful for everything and it is moments like these that I thank Heavenly Father for everything I have and especially for sending me a husband who understands me and can handle the rollercoaster of my emotions. I love you Kevin!
1 comment:
oh my sweet little Leslie! I'm wishing I could give you a big hug from your fave sis-in-law! :) You are so unbelievably strong dealing with this intern-widow nonsense. But trust me... you are going to soon have everything you've ever wanted! What I wouldn't give for the promise that I could soon be a SAHM! Kevin will provide very well for you. And whatevs on the body image... you are stunning! Hang in there, my darling. We love you! :) Kate gives her Aunt Leslie a big kiss and hug!
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